some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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