tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
