Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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