***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
