marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
