You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
