My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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