conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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