Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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