Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
