U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i came on her dog
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
