shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
