dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize