Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
