Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
