The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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