It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
