I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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