Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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