Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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