Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
