ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
