This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
