my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
