shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
