no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
