It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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