@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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