i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
