Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
