Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
