matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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