I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize