Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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