I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
