AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
