i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Actions speak louder than pants.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
