We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
