Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
