I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
