i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
