Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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