New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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