Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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