no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize