I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
