it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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