I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
