Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
