I looked at my own cervix.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
