glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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