Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This house was built for laser tag.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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