Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize