i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
