I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
