Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
