Someone shit on the floor
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
