You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
