I hate all girls vehemently.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it because I queefed?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
