So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
