My friends, they love my intelligence
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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