oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
