just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've blown a few things in my day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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