I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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