well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize