I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
